What Do You Call Your Pets?

I have had cats for just about five years now. In that time, they have been given a variety of monikers. They have their official names, the ones on their vet records. Then they have the ones they recognise because we’ve called them that one too many times.

Have you seen my three adorable kitties yet?

Take Neville for example. We do call him Neville and Nev as well as things like Neville Longbottom or just Longbottom. But we also decided that Fossiliferous was a good word, and declared it his middle name.  Which then led to a litany of Neverous Fossiliferous Longbottomus and the like.  He’s a big round squishy brown tabby who had a habit of sitting on the potato box when it still lived in the kitchen. He then was repeatedly asked if he was a potato, before we declared him a potato.  The poor cat now gets very excited that I am talking to him when I mention potatoes. To date, the names I have called Neville (that I remember): Neville, Squish, Teapot, Potato, Longbottom, Mr Gruppy Butt, The Splodge, Chunky Butt, and Neville-butt.

Then there’s Severus, the poor confused middle child of the cat family. He started out as Ferrus, named by my ex.  I utterly hated that name.  I decided on Severus, because it sounded similar, and he was already responding to his name when I was feeding them. I am glad I didn’t give into my Supernatural mania and name him Impala like I was tempted. All the vets ever would have thought I was more of a weirdo than someone who named two cats after Harry Potter Character and one after Thor’s hammer… Sev is a cutie, He’s a cuddler once you get to know him, but started life with me scared of everyone and everything.  He’s joking full name is Albus Severus Hufflebutt. I wrote it on his favourite toy when we took it to the cattery with us.  Hazel calls him Dragon Long-Face and Mr Slink. I call him Creeper. He is very sneaky in an ‘I trust nothing’ sort of way. He’s also Shadow-Cat, because he just vanishes into the shadows, and is invisible in photos. Fog-horn, Jumpy-Butt, and Scaredy-Cat are also common names.  Trip Hazard is also accurate.

Mjolnir is a bit of something. He’s cute and I would miss him, but I also sometimes wonder what life would be like without his asshole ways.  He is frequently called Fluffy Asshole. Because he is a butt-head and starts fits and shit for no reason. He’s beautiful and cute and knows it. He’s so damn fluffy he just gets called The Fluff. As in ‘Have you seen The Fluff?’. He loves chicken and has lovingly been called the Chicken Thief for years.  He isn’t very sneaky or bright. We also call him Fluff For Brains. At least he’s cute, and frequently plays on that and rolls around asking for cuddles after he’s been super annoying. Mostly all his nicknames involve Fluff.  Fluff-Butt, Fluff-Head, Fluff, Fluffy, etc…

As a collective, they are all The Fluff-Butts. That’s even what their folder of records is called in my file cabinet.

What do you call your pets?  Do they have any silly nicknames?

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