I’ve been neglecting this blog. I mean, yes, I only just started it, and it’s not like it is a habit or anything, but I have been actively avoiding it for a good few weeks. I just don’t know what I want to write about. How personal do I want these posts to be? I mean I probably should have worked that out before re-starting the thing, but I just don’t know. I’m not going to run this like I did my old Livejournal years ago, where I keep almost all my posts locked down, and no one can read unless I am friends with them.
I suppose, I’ve been in a bit of a bad place lately. I’ve been struggling with a nasty bout of depression the past few months. I don’t think I’ve discussed the struggle with very many people. For years, I’ve known that I’ve had a problem, but I’ve managed it as best as I could because I didn’t want to spend money to be told what I felt I knew. I was depressed. I mostly sought advice from Google and the like. I try to keep myself active and try to socialise regularly, but it’s difficult. Because I have depression on top of Fibromyalgia, which means that I am constantly sore and tired and have very little energy. Combine depression telling me “what’s the point?” and “I don’t want to” about things (like eating regularly, showering, getting out of the house, and talking to people) and the fibro making it a struggle to maintain the energy to even try to do them and you’re all set for a shitty negative spiral.
Thanks to coaxing from Hazel, I have been to see my GP about the depression. I’m currently working with a therapist on doing CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). I am learning how to properly manage, but the skills need practice, and I know it will be a long road.
Anxiety certainly isn’t helping matters any. I’m happy being far away from the shit-show that is the 2016 election, but it can still very much affect me and my position as a US citizen living abroad. I mean, I still have to fill out all the stupid tax paperwork every year to prove I don’t owe the IRS any of my UK earned money. I worry about what the election shows about the state of the country right now. What it means for my newest nephew’s future. What it means for my family in general. I worry about them. I worry about what will happen to them. Anxiety tells me all the horrible awful things that could happen. It reminds me of all the things that have happened to people recently. Anxiety leads to paranoia and a fear of what the world is going to become.
I have done all I can in posting my absentee ballot, giving my vote to the swing of things. I know there is nothing more I can do.
For the sake of my sanity, I am thinking it is best for me to stay off of most social media until after Christmas. By then, the dust will have settled, and hopefully not be too bad of an outcome. But until then, I can’t deal with all the political discussion. I might even go so far as to deleted the twitter app from my phone. So far, the only place that seems to be mostly safe is instagram. So I will probably be posting there, and having is share across other sites, but I will not be looking at comments until perhaps the new year. This is me promising to myself.